• "Hey, George, update my upcoming gigs! What do I pay you for?"

  - Dan Naturman

  Comedian

• "Quicktime needs your permission to run."

  - QuickTime

  Player

• "Dan is sexier than George Clooney and Brad Pitt rolled together in a hot, sweaty, sticky clump."

  - Trixie "7-10" Mulloy

  Professional Bowler

• "Dan smells really good today."

  - Dan's

  stalker

• "Dan is not a star because this world sucks, and God is a prick."

  - Cosa Medenz

  King of Barstools and Dinettes

• "Dan is way sexier than Gwyneth Paltrow. Way."

  - Shnorik Aslanyan

  Cobbler

• "I'm going to have sex with you when you least expect it...whether you like it or not. Oh, yeah. And you're a very funny comedian."

  - Anonymous

  Supermodel/Amateur Rapist

• "Dan I am told you before now If you going to let me work with you I am make you very big star no questions asked call Lidy at my office tom."

  - Roy Joffe

  Head of Starline Talent Manager Service

• "Dan makes love like a monkey with lime disease"

  - malesha

  former lover of Dan's

• "Big D., love the new site and love the podcast."

  - Dov Davidoff

  Comedian

• "Dan I love you, and your full red lips."

  - Dr. Justy Dodge

  Sanskrit Scholar

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